5 Simple Tips To Be A Great Junior Tennis Parent
Being a junior tennis parent can feel overwhelming at times, especially when your child is navigating the ups and downs of their teen years. It’s easy to second-guess yourself—wondering if you’re saying the right things or offering enough support. But here's the good news: you're not alone, and there are simple ways to make this journey smoother for both you and your child.
In this blog, I’m sharing 5 simple tips designed to your job as a tennis parent easier, while maintaining a positive and healthy relationship with your child. These practical tips will give you the confidence to support your child every step of the way.
Stay away from talking about tennis during dinner
And in reality I would stay away from talking about their tennis at ALL meals, but dinner is a great place to start. It’s the last meal of the day. It’s when everyone is the most tired, and susceptible to reacting negatively to things they don’t like.
We also want to separate the child’s tennis life from their family life as much as possible. The healthiest home environment is when a child can come home, and it’s home. It’s not an extension of their tennis.
They want to be able to come home to mom and dad and brother or sister and that’s it. They don’t want to come home to assistant coach dad and general manager mom.
And it’s not because of the good days. It’s because of the bad days.
When your child is winning matches and playing great, tennis is great, and they can talk about tennis all day. But when they lose a match? Or have a bad day at practice? The last thing they want to do is talk about it some more.
Kids don’t need coaches at home. They need love and support from their family, and a place where they can leave their problems at the door. Let them eat in peace, and go to bed without being angry at their parents as well.
Don’t coach their tennis. Only talk about their attitude & effort.
You already tell them what to do on a daily basis regarding getting their homework done, waking up, brushing their teeth, doing their chores, and everything else that goes into raising a child. The last thing they want is to hear you give them more instructions about something that is supposed to be completely theirs.
Even if you’re right!
Tennis is their love. Their sport. Their choice. Let them have it.
Even if they ask you for your opinion on it, don’t give it to them. After a loss or a bad day of practice, most of the time it’s a trap. There’s nothing you can say regarding their tennis that will make them happy, and they’re looking for someone to take their anger out on.
Also, unintentionally, you are disrespecting their coach. Everything your child needs to hear regarding their forehand or backhand or strategy or any of that is already communicated to them by their coach. Why would you feel the need to coach them even more? Unless you believe there’s something the coach isn’t telling them?
Which if that’s the case, you need to have a conversation with their coach, not your child. Because you clearly have a lack of trust in their ability to guide your child correctly.
However, there is one situation where I can understand a parent’s need to step in and say something: when their child is playing a tournament without their coach. I get that. I think it’s a mistake on the coach’s part, but I still recommend to not provide feedback to your child on their actual tennis. It’s a fine line, and if we’re strictly speaking about the overall health of your relationship with your child, I would stay on the safe side, and not talk about their tennis.
You’re more than welcome to talk about their attitude and effort, but x’s and o’s, technique and all of that, just have them call their coach and talk to them about it.
When you’re watching their matches, sit or stand still, and cheer calmly
If given the choice between cheering too much and showing too much emotion, or being completely quiet and risking that they feel I don’t care enough, I would choose the latter everyday of the week.
Parents (and coaches) that are too intense during matches actually create anxiety in their child. That’s because when things are going great, the cheering is awesome, but when the match is turning bad, most intense parents struggle to stay calm. They’re on the edge too much, and at some point will start reacting negatively to their child’s mistakes. Even if it’s simple eye rolling, throwing the hands up, or tossing their head back in disbelief without any verbal communication, the child will see it. They see everything their parents do, and they feel what their body language is communicating.
So if a parent is too still and quiet, the worst thing that can happen is their child will be wondering if their mom or dad actually cares how they do. No anxiety will be felt. Only a wonder if their parents care at all about if they win or lose, which is what we want!
We want them to think we don’t care if they win or lose! We want their tennis journey to be completely theirs, and that we are simply there to support them on THEIR journey. We want them to feel like they could play the worst tennis ever, and their parents will react the same, love them the same, and take care of them exactly the same.
So sit or stand still, and cheer calmly.
Never talk about their peers in front of them
“Comparison is the devil.”
I’m not sure who said it, or if it’s a real quote, but isn’t, it should be. Especially in today’s social media world where everyone paints a fake perfect life.
Nothing good ever comes from comparing ourselves to our peers. We run our own race, and that race is hard enough. We only making it harder by looking at the success of our peers.
It puts more pressure on us, creates an impatient and insecure mind, and brings our attention to wins and losses, instead of hard work and enjoying the present.
Don’t do that to your kids. Don’t ruin their experience by talking about their peers and how well they are doing. Even if it’s well intentioned, the downside is bigger than the upside. Take the safest route. Keep your seatbelt on and stay on the easiest path for your child.
NEVER mention ranking or UTR
If you want to guarantee that your child becomes result oriented, focused on wins and loses, and is afraid to lose, talk about their ranking or UTR.
And if you want to guarantee that they have an unhappy experience where they forget to play for the love of the game, talk about their ranking or UTR.
Please, stay as far away from these conversations as possible. Let the coach deal with those conversations.
And if you really absolutely must talk about your child’s ranking or UTR, talk to their coach about it. Not your child!
So what can you talk about?
You can talk about:
Their effort and attitude (just not at the dinner table).
Complimenting things in their tennis (again, just not at the dinner table)
Tournament or practice scheduling.
If they’re having fun.
And that’s about it. Everything else should revolve around listening to them, and asking questions.
Yes, just listening and asking questions.
Instead of always responding to what they say (because there will be many times they bring up their tennis to you and you can’t completely ignore them), how about asking them question? Without asking any sneaky leading questions that pin them in a corner, ask simple questions, and. let them talk. Providing advice and opinions isn’t the only way to engage in conversations with them. And we all know that everyone loves to be listened to.
And if they ask you questions about their game or their match? Tell them you’re not a coach and to talk to their coach.
If they bring up their peers, change the subject.
If they talk about their ranking or UTR, tell them you don’t care, and that you only care about how hard they’re working and if they’re having fun.
Finally, if they bring up tennis during family meals, you can only change the subject so many times, so give it a shot and let them talk about it. The most important thing is that YOU’RE not bringing it up, and you’re not providing your advice or opinions. Like I mentioned above, feel free to ask some simple questions, but if the conversation gets emotional because they lost a match or had a bad day at practice, tell them you can revisit the conversation after dinner.
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These are my favorite tips to give to parents, but if you’re a coach reading this, please leave a comment with your favorite tips! If you’re a parent whose been through the high performance journey already, feel free to leave a comment as well! It’s a difficult journey for parents and hopefully we can get them all the coaching they need too.