“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion.” Simon Sinek

When you stop to think about it, it’s incredibly difficult. The balance we ask kids to find, while going through the biggest hormonal change in their life, is tough.

Most parents and coaches (yes, not all) try to preach about not worrying about today’s results. They ask the kids to focus on getting better and not care if they win or lose. “Just give 100% of your energy and focus and make the most out of today” is some version of what they say.

It’s the right idea, and the correct thought process that helps athletes improve the fastest.

But let’s take a deeper look into what what we’re asking kids to do:

In order for an athlete to make the most out of today’s practice, they have to be completely focused on every little detail. They have to pay attention to what they’re doing right, and when they make a mistake, to learn and make the correct adjustment.

For that to happen, to be completely focused on every little detail, an athlete has to care about the immediate present as if it’s the most important thing in the world. Mentally. Physically. And emotionally. Only when you care that much about the present can you be 100% focused.

And if you make a mistake , it has to bother you. It has to bother you a lot.

If it doesn’t bother you, that’s a huge problem.

Because if it doesn’t bother you enough, you’re not going to care enough to do everything possible so that mistake doesn’t happen again. Instead, you’ll make the mistake again until something happens that makes you upset enough to make the correction. By that point though, a lot of time has been wasted.

So in order to not waste time, they have to care about how things are presently going.

But when we care that much about the moment, and things bother us, we’re going to get upset.

So how can we fairly ask a junior tennis player to care enough about the present, that mistakes bother them enough so that they correct them, yet have to only care about the outcome of their shots over the long term?

Pretty crazy right?

Yet that’s what they have to do to maximize their potential.

The ability to care enough about how well an athlete is performing in the moment, while buying in to the belief that at some point things will work out, is one of the most important things an athlete needs to do well. 

Unfortunately, it’s also the most difficult thing they have to do.

Caring that much on a continuous basis is an emotional ride. That’s where we see smashed rackets, tears, screams, and the classic “I hate this sport” comments from tennis players. They’re so emotionally committed to the moment that they’re on edge. The edge is a miserable place to be when things aren’t going well.

And I think us as coaches and parents need to remember how difficult and unfair the balance we’re asking them to have is. We still have to be hard on them and ask them to find the balance, but if we can remember how difficult the balance is, we can do it more empathetically.

And we if can do it more empathetically, we can create a healthier developmental environment for the child. And the healthier their environment is, the greater the odds of them enjoying the game and maximizing their potential will be.