“What is done cannot be undone, but at least one can keep it from happening again.” - Anne Frank

It’s important to look back and reflect on the lessons we learned. Instead of trying to forget our mistakes, it’s best to learn from them so we can increase the probability that they don’t occur again. There’s no better time than the end of the year.

Here are the four most important things I will do my best to keep in mind moving forward:

1. Pay attention to what kids do, not what they say

Kids are kids and we have a tendency to forget that. We ask them questions such as “what are your goals” and “will you be fully committed” as if they have any idea what it takes to achieve their goals, and what committed actually means.

Yet we still ask them those questions and hold them to account when we think they’re not committed enough to their goals. 

We ask them to recommit. They say yes and the cycle goes on and on.

I’ve learned that for the most part, we don’t need to ask those questions. Their actions show us how committed they’re going to be in the first place. Are they asking to play more tournaments? Are they asking to practice more? Are they asking to watch tennis on tv?

I was working with a kid in the fall and he asked what time practice was going to be finished. I lazily wanted to roundup the time so I told him 5pm instead of 4:45pm, even though the parents and I knew he was going to be done at 4:45. That would have been a 2hr practice. Well when 4:45pm came, and I stopped practiced, he wasn’t thrilled. He wanted more. He asked his parents if we could play more. 

I didn’t need to ask him how much he loves the sport or how committed he is to it. He just showed me.

2. Division 1 tennis cannot be your goal if you’re trying to maximize your potential

I listened to a podcast by Dr. Gio Valiante and I’ll never forget it. The greatest athletes have goals such as winning championships and all that, but it’s never their ultimate goal. Their ultimate goal is to be the best they can be. Personal mastery of the sport.

Division 1 college tennis is a result oriented goal. When a player has that goal, their happiness becomes directly related to the result. Meaning, if they’re losing, they’re moving farther away from their goal = the player won’t be happy. If they’re winning, they’re moving closer to their goal = the player will be happy.

For a player to significantly improve, they’re going to have to continuously make improvements and adjustments. When they first make those improvements and adjustments, they’re going to miss more than they’re used to. The muscle memory, trust in the shot, and repetitions just aren’t there.

And since losing = moving farther away from their goal, and missing = losing on the scoreboard, missing therefore = moving farther away from their goal. Therefore, emotionally, it will be too difficult to commit to changes in their game.

That is why it’s in the pursuit of mastery where a player will succeed beyond anything they can imagine. The player is more concerned about getting better, and playing the sport at the highest level they can, than the immediate result. It is under those circumstances where an athlete achieves great things. Successes and championships are just a side effect.

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3. High performance junior tennis is a FAMILY commitment

If parents allow their child to pursue high performance tennis, they’re accepting a second or third job. (1-parenting. 2-career. 3-parent of hp junior tennis player).

The jobs essential duties are:

- Year round work with no paid vacation

- Being available to work 5-7 days a week

- No pay. Actually, you’re paying for the role yourself.

- Working 20-30 weekends a year

- Most holidays are spent at tournaments

- Driving the child around the city for practice and fitness

- Tournament registration

If a parent isn’t willing to take on all these duties, they end up limiting their child’s potential. And I don’t mean that in an insulting way. Being a high performance tennis parent is a difficult job. It’s not for everyone, nor do all parents have the time required to be a great tennis parent. 

As coaches we need to make sure the parents are as committed as their child is. If they’re not, then the child will have a difficult time achieving their goals.

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4. Coaching the parent is just as important as coaching the player

It’s not just the kids. The parents don’t know the process either, and if parent’s handle their role incorrectly, they’re going to ruin their child’s experience. They won’t be ruining it on purpose. They just don’t know that what they’re doing is wrong. 

Coaches need to spend time communicating with parents and guiding them throughout the high performance journey. Many coaches have complained in the past about parents, but juniors tennis is a huge time and financial commitment. If so much time and money is going to be spent, it’s completely understandable when they get frustrated for being kept in the dark. 

If coaches truly want kids to succeed as tennis players, then they need parents to succeed as tennis parents. The only way that happens is by coaching them as well. 

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Happy New Year and cheers to all the players and families at tournaments right now!